


Phoenix

by samisawesam



Category: Re:ゼロから始める異世界生活 | Re:Zero Starting Life in Another World (Anime)
Genre: Angst, F/M, Fluff, Pride If, Romance, redemption arc
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 19:42:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,473
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29087787
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/samisawesam/pseuds/samisawesam
Summary: A madman is reborn from the ashes of his own fire. One-shot. Winner of the Brighter Future contest.
Relationships: Emilia/Natsuki Subaru
Comments: 20
Kudos: 83





	Phoenix

**Author's Note:**

> Special thanks to my adorable, lovely fiancé for editing this fic.  
> Just to be clear, this is a one-shot with no affiliation to my other story, Re:Start. That will be updated on 2/6 instead of this week.

The world was on fire.  
The Bowel Hunter and Beast Tamer were dead.  
The Sword Saint was devastated.  
His beloved was a hero.

Natsuki Subaru, the Sin Archbishop of Pride, left the world with a mockery of a smile.

The shadows surrounded him as a hand gripped his heart. Finally, he was satisfied; he could relax in the cold embrace of death.

The Grim Reaper, covered in darkness, stood before him. He had seen her before, but never up close. He had always turned away to continue his bloody journey. However, before he left, he always heard her speak.

" _I love you."_

A silver bell, not unlike the mellifluous tones of his beloved. He often felt himself reaching toward it, but he always pulled back, for it was not the end.

Now, as Lugunica was bathed in chaos and destruction, he succumbed to the shadows. Falling slowly in a sea of nothing, he reached out a hand to the Grim Reaper, finally accepting her love.

" _I love you."_

"I love you, too," his soul wanted to cry, but his mouth did not move. Nonetheless, he was satisfied. He could rest. He could –

"… _but now is not the end."_

The world – this twisted impression of a landscape – abruptly stopped. The shadows began to crack like glass, shattering around him.

He didn't understand. Was he Returning by Death? This never happened; this wasn't what it looked like! He was supposed to be _done!_ His goal was achieved! Emilia was the queen! So, why was he –

" _Come back to me… when you remember who you are."_

He had no mouth, but he screamed in rage and pain, for he was returning to life – to suffering – once more.

But… if this would help Emilia… he would do it. He would do _anything_ to save her.

With that, he opened his eyes to a world without fire.

With bleary eyes, he tried to make out his surroundings, but his mind would not accept it. In front of him, standing tall and proud, was the Royal Castle. It was exactly as it was before it was burnt down; even with magic, surely something could not be reconstructed so impeccably? However, it was indeed the real deal. It _had_ to be the true castle, for in front of him stood an angel.

Emilia, clad in a flowing white dress, awaited him like a bride to a groom. Her silver hair, undoubtedly smooth as silk, swayed in a gentle breeze. Her eyes, a whirlpool of amethyst and violet, gazed at him with cautious familiarity.

He was taken aback by her beauty. That was not to say that he was not in awe before – he most certainly was – but age had sculpted her to absolute perfection. When he left her a sobbing mess, she had been the same age as him, but now, she appeared to be at least a few years older. He didn't think it was possible, but she had somehow managed to become even more captivating.

However, that wasn't her most striking feature; on top of her shining silver locks laid a ruby-encrusted crown.

He had done it. He had made Emilia the queen. His pain, his suffering, had all been rewarded, for he could experience the future he fought so hard to achieve.

' _Thank you!'_ he shouted in his mind, hoping the Grim Reaper would hear him. _'My labors have borne fruit, and you have let me taste its forbidden delicacies!'_

No response. He didn't care. He was too busy falling in love all over again.

He spread his arms wide and laughed joyously. "Look at you!" he exclaimed. "As breathtaking as ever, my lovely Emilia!"

She stayed silent. He didn't blame her. After all, she had killed him… what, three years ago?

Unperturbed, he continued, "All the sacrifices, the pain, the death, the flames, it all came through! _Rejoice, for I, Natsuki Subaru, have made you queen!"_

Gratitude. Hatred. Desire. Any of those would have been acceptable. He craved her rage, her righteous fury, if only to see a new expression on her face.

However, this was his beloved, and she was always surprising him.

She cocked her head to the side, utterly confounded. Then, like a gentle wind chime, she said, "You're not my Subaru."

For a moment, only the latter half of the sentence processed. ' _My Subaru. My Subaru. My Subaru. My Subaru.'_ It repeated like a mantra, personally gifted from the gods above. Then, abruptly:

His face contorted in heartbreak and rage as he shouted, "What do you mean, I'm not your Subaru?! Who else could this be? I am the Sin Archbishop of Pride, the one who brought fire and brimstone to Lugunica! I am the villain you struck down, and the one who purged the Sword Saint of his heart! How _dare_ you forget me?! _I told you to remember me!"_

She frowned, a bit taken aback by his outburst. "Oh, dear," she murmured. "I reeaally wasn't prepared for another one when I woke up today."

No fear? No hate? No shock? He didn't know what was going on, and he _hated_ it. He was _always_ in control.

But this was his beloved, so he would accept such emotions. He forced his anger down and let love – sweet, joyous love – fall upon him.

His goal was complete. He was satisfied.

…Right?

With the authority of one who was always listened to but the politeness of one who cared about others before herself, Emilia ordered, "Please, come with me. It's chilly, and some tea would do you good."

Tea. His beloved was giving him a gift, a reward. She recognized his efforts, and he was being granted a boon for his love.

Like a loyal, obedient puppy, he followed her into the depths of the castle. The headquarters of the Royal Knights. Enemy territory. The place he burnt to the ground. The home of the Queen of Lugunica.

The opulent, golden gates of the palace opened – seemingly by their own will – and Emilia strode through with all the grace of a queen. In the face of such an unknown situation, Subaru could not walk with his usual purpose. All he could do was gather enough information before he killed himself. Then, and only then, would he have control. He would use his newfound knowledge to woo the queen, taking his rightful place by her side.

All his hopes were dashed mere moments later when he saw an impossible sight.

A knight in full regalia. A full head of red hair. Not an ounce of animosity in his eyes.

Against all odds, the Sword Saint looked at Subaru with a smile.

Reinhard walked forward and clapped the younger man on the shoulder, saying, "Good morning, Subaru. I trust you'll be ready for our afternoon spar?"

Some sounds came out of Subaru's mouth, but they most certainly didn't resemble any known language. After much discourse, expert linguists would later agree that it could be roughly translated as, "What the fuck is happening?"

A moment later, he understood, and a massive grin threatened to split his face in two. Emilia must have told the Sword Saint that Subaru was the reason she was queen. That explained everything! Ah, she was truly an angel, wasn't she?

Reinhard gazed at Subaru in concern, asking, "Are you feeling all right?"

' _I'm feeling fantastic!'_ he thought with glee. _'Emilia sees me as her savior!'_

His precious Emilia, playing the hero as always, stepped in to save the day. "Do not worry, Reinhard," she assured him. "Subaru had a bit of a fall earlier, so we're going to let him rest for a bit."

Alarmed, Reinhard jumped into action. "An injury? I shall call a doctor! No, that's not enough! Two doctors! Three? Twelve should be acceptable! We cannot have the –"

With speeds unimaginable, Emilia dashed forward and covered Reinhard's mouth with her palm before leaning in to whisper in his ear. Confusion and panic made way to an odd mix of pity and understanding. "I see," he murmured. "That explains the strange clothing."

Subaru, on the other hand, was no longer listening, for that _thing_ was touching his beloved! That was unacceptable! He needed to – no, he could not kill the Sword Saint. The bastard was too strong. A mad giggle escaped his lips as he realized that another Great Fire would not be enough. No, he needed to break Reinhard _permanently_. He'd have to contact Elsa – was Elsa still alive? No matter. He'd find a way to achieve his goals. Even if it took a million deaths, he would get back at the Sword Saint for this transgression, for he…

…was warm? Subaru's hand was so…

Emilia was looking at him with both concern and affection. "You look like you're not feeling good," she said softly. "Let's stop dilly-dallying and get you that tea, all right? I'll take care of you."

His hand. She was holding his hand. A cute girl… no, _Emilia_ was holding his hand. This reward, this _wonderful, glorious reward!_ It was too much for a sinful being such as himself!

Unable to fully comprehend the situation, his mind ground to a halt, and he fainted.

When he came to, the sun was high in the sky, and he was sitting on a plush, ruby-colored chair. He had only felt softness like this once in his life, in the home of a stuffy nobleman. He, Elsa, and Meili had needed a place to stay at the capital, and Elsa wanted to see some fresh bowels. It all worked out quite nicely, in the end.

He groggily recalled it with a mockery of a fond smile. It was nice to just sit there and talk with them: a light-hearted moment amidst the road to hell. Elsa flirted with him incessantly, of course, but he paid it no mind. That was nothing new, and he had no interest in her. However, something strange happened, and it threatened to turn his world upside-down.

Meili hugged him.

The young girl was a mimic, an imitator. She did not know how to be a human, so she merely copied Elsa. This resulted in an overall sadistic, coquettish demeanor, even if she didn't understand what it meant to be either of those. They were merely masks, for she had no true face.

At least, that was what he thought. Elsa was not capable of such a tender embrace, so Meili could not mimic it. It was a decision all her own.

It was his first time experiencing such affection since he came to this world. It was also the last, for the next day, Meili died at his feet and he met his demise at the hands of the hero.

Silently, he thanked the purple-haired girl for giving him the strength to push forward. Because of her, Emilia was queen. Because of her, he could –

"Look, Shaula! He's awaaake!"

Suddenly alert, he shot to his feet and looked around wildly. That voice… Could it have been –

"Behind youuu," the same voice said with a teasing lilt.

He whipped around to come face to face with…

_Beaten and bloody. Slashed in two from shoulder to hip. Never to breathe again. Exactly as he ordered._

…a healthy and happy Meili.

She looked older, of course. Fifteen instead of twelve, but it was unmistakably the same girl.

' _This isn't real,'_ he thought furiously. _'She's dead.'_

With rage, he realized that this must be a fake, a trap. Reinhard must have lured him here, knowing that killing him wasn't an option. It was merely something to confuse him. Yes, that was it! Well, he wouldn't fall for something so stupid!

His shoulders shook in anger as he realized that his beloved was likely in danger as well. Luckily, he had the perfect tool to escape any situation. Placing his teeth on his tongue –

Meili extended her pointer finger towards him and bopped him on the forehead with a smile. "You know, you look reeaally weird when your face scrunches up like that, Mister." From within her braided hair, a red scorpion – a mabeast, he realized with a jolt – crawled out and snapped its pincers. Nodding sagely, she said, "See? Even Shaula agrees, and she loooves people with nasty eyes!"

…Yeah. It wasn't a trap or anything; this was the real Meili.

At a complete loss for words, he managed to croak out an inelegant, "How?"

She tilted her head in confusion. Like she was talking to a child, she explained, "Well, when Shaula's pincers go pinchy-pinch like this…" She demonstrated using her middle finger and thumb. "…it means, 'I agree, Not-Subaru looks suuuper weird,'"

She misunderstood his question, but he got his answer all the same. "Not-Subaru," he echoed. It didn't make any sense, but it explained everything. For confirmation, he cautiously asked, "Hey, Meili? Have you met me before?"

She rocked on her heels with her hands behind her back as she thought. "That's a straaange question, Mister," she said airily. "I met Subaru many years ago, but I only met you today."

"How do you know I'm not him?" he shot back.

With a guileless smile, she told him, "My Subaru looks sad but determined. You look like a killer."

With that, she skipped away, leaving a speechless Subaru behind.

He was a killer, and he burnt Lugunica to the ground.  
He was a killer, and he broke the Sword Saint.  
He was a killer, and he put Emilia on the throne.  
He was a killer, and he was proud.

So, why did it hurt when Meili called him that?

His nails dug into his palm. It's because she was a hypocrite, wasn't it? She was _also_ a killer. She was a beast as irredeemable as him.

' _Then… why is she in the castle?'_ he couldn't help but wonder. _'Why hasn't the Sword Saint killed her?'_

He didn't know. He didn't understand.

He growled as he realized that he was dawdling. He needed to escape, to go and…

…and what?

What was there to do? Emilia was queen. He didn't need to run from any knights, for even the Sword Saint seemed to like him.

And yet, he felt as unfulfilled as ever. An empty shell of a man, torn asunder by his own pride.

Perfect. That was how he deserved to feel.

A mockery of a smile plastered itself on his face as he discovered a new goal for himself; he could continue to help Emilia from the shadows. There was bound to be dissent amongst the citizens for a half-elf to be the queen, so surely, her life would be easier if they simply… vanished.

Would it make her happy? No. Was it what she wanted? No. Was it the right thing to do?

…Why couldn't he answer that?

He put his face in his hands and let out a growl; everything was so _wrong._ He missed the days where it was just him, Elsa, and Meili hunting down the Witch's Cult and destabilizing the other Camps. Ever since he killed Anastasia's knight and truly let himself go, he'd been free. He could kill whoever he wanted if it resulted in Emilia becoming queen.

Now, as he sat in that sunlit room, an honored guest of the queen, he felt trapped.

Suddenly, he shot out of his chair and dashed away from the room. He needed to find a purpose, to _escape._ Emilia needed help, and he was the only one who could give it. She couldn't know what he was doing or she would stop him. First, he needed to steal a weapon from the treasury and…

…and…

…nothing. There was nothing, nothing to do. He had no allies, no goal, no _nothing._ All he could do was die.

Barely aware of his surroundings, he leaned his entire body against a wall. Tremors shook his body as his heart threatened to leap out of his chest. As he gasped for breath, he realized that his body was close to shutting down. How fitting that a man driven by purpose would lose the will to live.

With a childish wail, he collapsed to his knees and wept. What should have been a joyous occasion was instead dominated by emptiness and regret. With no other choice but to end his suffering and try again, he bit down on his tongue. Agony exploded through him as the sensitive organ was punctured, but he pushed down the pain and tried to force his teeth in deeper.

Nothing happened.

Weak. Pathetic. Disgusting. He no longer had the strength to kill himself properly. Just how low had he sunk?

The creak of a doorknob caught his attention, but he didn't look. There was no need, for he would be gone soon. Once again, he tried to bite off his tongue but froze as he was overwhelmed by the oddest sensation.

The strange lines of warmth crisscrossing around his neck, and the sound of breathing close to his ear… They were so familiar. Just where had he felt it? It was in the capital, was it not? Before the hundreds, _thousands_ of loops where he tried to kill the Sword Saint.

In sheer disbelief, he realized that he was being held.

"It's okay," a silver bell soothed. "I'm here now, Subaru. You're safe."

An alien emotion stirred in his chest as a blurry image surfaced: another world, with a man that was no longer him, and two kind souls with faces long forgotten. Weeping turned into bawling as he realized how disappointed his parents would have been.

"Honestly, you're so silly," Emilia said fondly. "I watch over you for hours, but the moment I leave, you wake up? That's sooo inconsiderate of you."

He couldn't say anything. He just continued to cry.

Her warm, soft hands threaded their way through his scalp with expert precision, soothing him immensely. It was as if she knew all his pressure points, even if he didn't know them himself. As expected of his beloved, of course. She was perfect in every way.

"I love you," he croaked out. She didn't say anything back. She simply pulled his head into her lap and stroked his hair.

His heart thumped in his chest. He'd never felt like this before – never been held in such an intimate manner.

And yet… it wasn't for him, but _him_.

Several minutes later, he calmed down enough to ask a simple, yet loaded question.

"How did _he_ make you the queen?"

No mass destruction. No Great Fire. No broken Sword Saint. No dead Meili.

Just a happy Emilia… in another parallel world.

"We did it together," she said wistfully, "but it took a while to get to that level of teamwork. Subaru and I were reeaally stubborn. We never told each other about our struggles, thinking that other people shouldn't have to deal with them. It almost tore us apart, once, but my Subaru never gave up on me."

Her cheeks turned red as she touched her fingers to her lips. "Then, in the Sanctuary, he said… and we…" She shook her head at her folly. "I was as barmy as a bumpkin to not understand my feelings right then, wasn't it?"

Feelings. Emilia had feelings for him.

No. That was wrong. _This_ Emilia had feelings for _another_ Subaru.

He already guaranteed that _his_ Emilia would always loath him.

With her thin fingers still threading across his scalp, she continued, "I was never happier than when my Subaru became my knight. He was always special to me, but after that, he became _mine_ in a way that no one else could claim." With a mix of playfulness and shame, she admitted, "It was selfish, but I loved having my Subaru all to myself. He had Beatrice, yes, but I was his number one, and he was mine.

"Over the next year, we started to actually share our struggles; he couldn't tell me everything, of course, but I knew enough so that he wasn't bearing it alone." With the smile that could melt a frozen forest, she said, "That's when we learned to rely on each other… and when I learned what my feelings meant."

She was looking at him, but she wasn't looking _at_ him. "Before I could tell him, he was taken from me. I almost lost him forever, but I searched tirelessly for him. When I finally found him, recovering from a battle against the Cult..."

Pink bloomed on her cheeks. He stared at her in disbelief for he – well, a version of him – made an angel look so… flustered.

Could he have… Perhaps, if things were different –

"…I'll never forget that night," she whispered. "To hold him like that… To become one… Such a thing was…"

She trailed off as fond memories took over and a lazy smile spread across her lips. In the same quiet voice, filled with love towards a man Subaru couldn't even dream of emulating, she said, "That's when we truly began to work together, for there were no more barriers between us. It was just Subaru and Emilia, Knight and Witch, facing off against the Cult. Naturally, such an act placed me at the forefront of the Royal Selection."

Finally, her eyes returned from elsewhere to him. Softly, she said, " _He_ didn't make me the queen. _We_ did it together."

He wanted to understand. He really, truly did. It just didn't make any sense. "I took down the Cult, too," he protested weakly, "but it didn't turn out so…"

"Idyllic?" she finished for him. "It's not perfect. We lost many people that mean a lot to us."

"So, what?" he shot back. "At least people are still alive! At least the world isn't on fire!"

She gently flicked his forehead, unperturbed. She acted like she heard all this before, or at least something like it. Just what had she been through to make her so… unflappable?

"It's because you did it _alone_ , you bonehead," she chided. "Just as it's easier to fall than climb, it's also easier to destroy than to save."

"But I wasn't alone," he insisted. "I had Meili and Elsa."

Her eyes widened ever-so-slightly. "Oh, dear," she muttered, a bit ruefully. "Perhaps it would have been _better_ if you were alone."

Cutting off his inevitable question, she asserted, "Meili will turn out to be a sweetie in the right environment, but if you're with Elsa, that won't happen."

That much he couldn't deny, for the proof was right in front of him. Even so –

"I don't understand," he said heatedly. "My way was the only way! I needed to eliminate all the other candidates! You can't just hold hands and sing kumbaya!"

"But we did," she rebuked gently. "You're just too prideful to take a path that isn't yours."

At that, he had no words.

They were silent for a while. She had forgone stroking his hair, choosing instead to gaze down at him in a mixture of concern, compassion, and pity. Those purple jewels judged him, forgave him, as he lay there: a tortured child in a wonderful world.

Every so often, the peace would be punctuated by a maid or butler passing by, but they never said anything. A quick look from Emilia guaranteed that what they saw would never leave that hallway.

No fear or sorrow. Simply reverence and respect. A queen by the public's choosing, and not a madman's will.

Was he… wrong?

"It's unfathomable," he said at length. "This world you've described can't exist."

She rolled her eyes as she teased, "If I didn't know better, I'd say you thought I couldn't win the election on my own merits."

He paused. He _hadn't_ considered that. After all: "You're a silver-haired half-elf –"

"Who took a public stand against the Witch Cult and saved the lives of thousands."

Having only interacted with her for one short loop, he had never realized just how _stubborn_ she was. Would he have known if he had reached out his hand and asked for help as this other Subaru did? His heart panged as he realized that he would never know.

Bringing him out of his thoughts, Emilia teased, "You know, you gave quite the strange introduction, but you still haven't asked my name yet."

He looked at her in disbelief. He _clearly_ knew who she was. She was his beloved. Another version of his beloved? She was his beloved, right?

…He didn't know who she was, and his taped-together heart shattered.

Warily looking at the playful glint in those amethyst eyes, he asked, "What's your name?"

Emilia, the Queen of Lugunica. That's what she would say.

And yet, he wasn't surprised that she surprised him again.

With great pride, she announced, "I am Natsuki Emilia."

' _Natsuki. Natsuki. Natsuki. Natsuki.'_

As if that weren't mind-blowing enough, she asked, "Would you like to meet my children?"

Subaru thought he might faint right then and there.

Children. Emilia. Subaru. Not him, not his Emilia, but a real possibility. One he would never have, for he never took the hand of another.

Children born in a world without fire. A world where the Sword Saint wasn't broken. A world where Meili was alive.

…A family? That wasn't –

Guiding him to a standing position, Emilia led him to the door she had just come from. "I had left your side to go check on them," she explained simply; it was as if she hadn't just destroyed everything he thought possible, crushing his twisted worldview into sheer incomprehensibility. "They have the best nannies in the world, but my husband and I don't like to leave them for long. They're still babies, and they need their mommy and daddy, you know?"

Babies. Mommy. Daddy. Royalty. Husband. Family. A victory without an inferno.

Tentatively, he placed his hand on the doorknob but froze. What would he see in there? Surely, not the scene she described; it was too surreal, impossible. This kind, gentle, stubborn angel… She wouldn't lie, right?

He knew she wouldn't. Why was it so hard to accept? Why couldn't he let go of his damned pride?

His hand tremored, and she covered it with her own.

"Twins. A boy and a girl," she extolled. "The most beautiful children in the world. The girl is named Fortuna, after my mother. The boy is named –"

"Kenichi," he finished. There was no other option.

A thin smile spread across those plush lips. "My Subaru wanted to name the girl Naoko, but it was only fair that I get to honor a parent, too." Her face fell as she slowly said, "For… many reasons, we couldn't use my father as a namesake."

He didn't know what she meant by that. He didn't know anything, for he had always worked on his own.

Taking a deep breath and forcing down his tremors, he opened a door to find an impossible sight. A nursery with two beautiful Natsuki children: a prince and a princess.

His heart ached, for he gave this up.

Tentatively, he walked forward. He wanted to see their faces, but he was stopped by… another child? He didn't know this one. She appeared to be twelve years old, with curly blonde pigtails and butterfly pupils.

He didn't know what to say. Greetings? Salutations? Fancy seeing you here? He wasn't used to such mundane behavior; the last time he gave a semblance of an introduction, it was to orchestrate his own suicide.

Vaguely, he recalled a time from when he was still human. Perhaps that would work. Imitating it, he sheepishly stuck his hand out and said, "Hello."

Was that too much meekness? Too little? Ah, no matter. The girl wasn't paying attention. She merely looked to Emilia and asked, "Another one, I wonder?" His not-beloved nodded, so the child turned to him and ordered, "Stay a respectable distance away, I suppose. No harm shall befall these children under Betty's watch, in fact."

Emilia gave a reassuring smile and told the girl, "Don't worry, Beatrice. I wouldn't bring him in here unless I thought it was safe. I would _never_ let anything happen to my babies, and you know that. I can throw up a shield as quick as a wink."

Beatrice didn't seem happy, but she relented, grumbling, "No one says that anymore, I suppose."

Subaru, however, wasn't paying them any mind. He was too busy staring in awe at the beings before him.

They looked like him. They looked like Emilia. Quarter-elves. Royalty. Beautiful.

Beings as pure as them could not exist in the world he created.

From beside him, a voice he knew all-too-well said, "Aren't they cuuuties? Must be their mommy's 'jeans,' as Subaru would say."

Meili – sweet, innocent, passive Meili – gazed at the children with affection. He couldn't help but ask if she was one of their nannies, and she beamed.

"Of course," she chirped. "My Subaru likes to say that Betty and I are their sisters, but nannies sound waaay cooler!"

"Sisters," he echoed softly before shaking his head to clear it. What had become of his grand, sprawling monologues? How did the mere _possibility_ of a family do this to him?

For the second time that day, he wept for what could never be.

As the tears obscured his view of the children, Emilia came to stand beside him, gently laying a hand on the small of his back. "You could have had this," she whispered to him and him alone, "had you taken another path."

"What could I have done differently?" he croaked. "You would have died if not for me."

She didn't say anything. She merely drew circles on his back as she awaited his answer.

He worked backward, going through every murder and assassination. Every order, every crime. Every word, every thought.

He stopped on a single moment.

Resigned and resentful, he spat, "It was my own pride, wasn't it?"

Emilia's warm hand made its way to his shoulder, giving it a comforting squeeze. He no longer felt faint, for it wasn't his beloved.

"Reinhard stopped Elsa," he continued. "Instead of approaching him and Emilia, I hired Elsa. Probably could have even approached him before that." He shook his head. "It wasn't even Reinhard, was it? I just didn't consider that a nonviolent option was plausible, and I was using Reinhard as an excuse."

Like a knife to his gut, she quietly told him, "You were weak, Natsuki Subaru. You were unable to face your flaws or your failings, so you took a path of death and futility."

She was right, but that didn't matter, for it was meaningless. "What's the point of all this?" he asked bitterly. White filled his vision as he finally accepted his Pyrrhic victory. "It's gone. Dead. Burnt. All that's left is to watch what could have been."

He saw her smile out of the corner of his eye. "Is that so?" she mused. "Then, why are you glowing?"

He gave her a sideways glance before looking at his arm. With a gasp, he exclaimed, "What kind of fantasy bullshit is this?"

She gave a light giggle. " _That's_ the Natsuki Subaru that I remember," she said fondly. "Isn't it obvious? You're getting a second chance."

He had a second chance: thousands of them. He wasted them all.

With the smile that took his breath away, she told him, "The moment where everything changed: you're able to go back to that."

"Sounds about right," he said dryly. He was taken to a parallel world, died a thousand times, and then was taken to yet another parallel world. It was simply par for the course that he would go back.

Still, he couldn't help but ask, "How can I guarantee that I'll get here?"

"You can't," she admitted, "but the possibility is worth fighting for, isn't it?"

As he looked at the sleeping children before him, he breathed, "Yeah."

She grabbed his hand, stroking the back of it with her thumb. "Are you ready?" she asked quietly.

He gazed upon Kenichi and Fortuna for a moment longer before nodding.

The white glow became blinding, and the world around him disappeared, but not before he gave one last glance at Emilia. He was hoping she would be giving him a smile, but what he found was infinitely better and worse.

She was no longer facing him. but was staring at the open doorway with a look of sheer adoration and love. He followed her gaze, but he vanished before he could see who was there.

It didn't matter. He already knew.

When his senses returned to him, he found himself in an alleyway long forgotten, staring down three thugs long dead. They gave the expected threats, but Subaru wasn't listening. With a genuine smile, he whispered to himself, "Happy birthday, Subaru…"

…and called for help.


End file.
